164 - Lipsticked Pig

Unnatural Entity: Lipsticked Pig

A lot of things are either unpalatable options or plain not fit for purpose, that doesn’t stop people from trying to use them or sell them as somehow cheaper but mysteriously better alternatives. The phrase “lipstick on a pig” is an idiom that denigrates the practice of superficially gussying up one thing as another with this intent in mind. Whether the product of an adept with a wry sense of humour or a pearl formed around a thousand false promises and cheap disguises, lipsticked pigs epitomize the concept.

A lipsticked pig appears as an above average example of what people expect in its environment: meet one in a bank and it’s the snappily dressed branch teller who is sure to win “employee of the month”, running into one in a warzone and it’s the gallant and disciplined officer or prizewinning war-photographer. Once a stereotype has been written by other people’s expectations, it struggles to live up to it. As far as anyone can tell this is a pig’s primary drive and it does try, but even the intelligence of the world’s fifth-smartest animal often falters. Most won’t notice short of intense scrutiny since the natural allure of the pig redirects blame for its failures on innocent bystanders.

Without anything major on the line this could go on indefinitely, a seemingly well-performing middle manager who just happens to have a higher than average staff turnover can go unnoticed in a lot of organisations. If some crank develops a grudge and learns the truth they’ll be hard pressed to pierce the magick of the illusion for others, but if they can pull it off the pig is revealed.

It’s hard to look at, your eyes slide off it as it shuffles between your expectations like a bad magic eye poster. Underneath is the impression of pale, pink flesh, garishly applied cosmetics and a voice that bleats in porcine squealing from a disquietingly humanoid shape. Unmasked lipsticked pigs aren’t vengeful, they’re terrified. If allowed, they’ll flee in terror to build a new nest elsewhere. Unfortunately for any vigilantes their powers make them sympathetic victims to unaware bystanders.

Eating the cooked flesh of a lipsticked pig confers some of its illusory lustre, diners gain a +10% shift on Status and Connect until their next failed roll of any kind. Mistepping shatters the illusion and the fall from grace is especially hard, treat that failure as though it were one step worse (regular failures become matches which become fumbles in turn).

Lipsticked Pig, Cowardly Porcine Imposter
Wound Threshold: 60. In physical combat pigs are hard to pin down perceptually, take a -10% shift to attacks unless it attacked you last.
Emperor’s New Clothes 65%: This is the identity that occludes the pig’s true nature. Note that even if you’ve uncovered this it still works on other people, calling attention to it gives the pig a free coercion result on this identity if it succeeds an opposed roll against their scrutiny, “how dare you!” If you’ve got buddies it takes -10% for every bystander backing you up.
Limited Aptitude 30%: This is what the pig uses to get actual results, it’s not exactly stupid but quietly ineffectual and relies on others for protective colouration.
Hoggish Thrashing 35%: Substitutes for Struggle, Substitutes for Dodge. Pigs are poorly skilled fighters but backing one into a corner is dangerous, their attacks count as a +3 damage weapon.