Monday 21 October 2019

174 - EULAgy

Ritual: EULAgy

Cost: 1 significant charge.

Ritual Action: Take one person suffering from demonic possession, an identifying object from when they were alive and a printed hardcopy of an End User License Agreement (including all ancillary documentation like Terms of Service & Use, Privacy Policies, etc.) that you personally have agreed to spritzed with lemon juice on every page. Physically bind that person in the center of a circle marked with the Seal of Solomon (from the Lesser Key) and identifying the demon with the object, make it an offer - guarantees of future possession from willing parties are typically all that they will agree to. If it accepts, proffer the EULA as a condition and spend the charge. If the ritual is successful it will take it from you and begin to read.

Effect: Piggybacking on the association between the bewildering legalese of licencing agreements and the double-edged, backstabbing tropes surrounding deals with the devil, EULAgies allow the haphazard binding of demonic entities. Much like the old legend of vampires stopping to count grains of sand or rice, a demon under the effect is compelled to carefully review the entire text before it can take its reward.

The time it takes to read the EULA counts against the duration of the current possession and it can take no other actions during this time. If you or anyone else meaningfully interrupts this (by damaging or taking the documentation or destroying the seal, for example) the ritual completes without the demon needing to finish. If this happens or it does finish it may claim its agreed upon reward at any time.

If the duration of the possession expires before the demon can finish reading the effect hangs until it can complete its reading during another possession. It isn’t compelled to do so and must seek out a copy of the documentation on its own. If legal developments invalidate the user agreement before it can do this the ritual effect is broken and it gets nothing.

There is one cautionary caveat, if a demon has been bound with a particular EULA before it may complete its end of the bargain without reading it again.

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